Pretend

The truth is...I'm in a bit of a funk.

I'm sitting in front of the fire watching a Lifetime movie about Santa Claus and I've written and erased every draft of this blog so far.  Funny how when I get down to it I would rather pretend that life is always happy and wonderful and exciting instead of what it is, a rollercoster of good times and low times.  This time is a low time. 
I'm in a funk and I hate it.  I hate admitting it, I hate subjecting others to it and I hate that I can't always fix it.  The last month(s) or so has felt off, maybe it's because I turned another year older without some major life changes happening, maybe it's because I cut off my hair and haven't felt like myself since, maybe it's because a lot of my friends have been complaining to me about their lives and I've picked up on their sour attitudes.  Whatever the reason is it stinks and I feel like I'm wadding about in waist high mud about to drown in the swamp of sadness (Neverending Story reference).
 
So there it is.  My life is in a rut, i feel out of it and exasperated. 

BUT (yes here is the but part)  BUT I follow a loving and faithful God and I know that even when I feel down and out he has enough love to pick me up and comfort me.  That even when I don't understand things or feel ugly, fat, lonely or discouraged and am missing people whose word is good and whose intentions are pure ... HE is there. 
God is ALWAYS good, ALWAYS faithful, ALWAYS loving, ALWAYS just, ALWAYS compassionate, and ALWAYS there to listen.

So, i will tell him how I'm in a rut and how some days I feel fat and ugly and as of late incredibly discouraged, and HE will listen and love on me and I will be OK.

I believe 100% in that.

-V