This is one of them.
I am a creature of habit.
And by habit I mean... lazy.
In the morning while I eat my breakfast I look up the same websites, blogs and news sites everyday, searching out other peoples interesting lives and the impact of others on the world.
Being full of dreams, gifts, ambition, goals, passion, greatness, talent, grandeur means very little when one does nothing about those dreams, gifts, ambitions, goals, passions, greatness(es), talents and grandiose ideas.
And trust me, its more than a little frustrating knowing and actually currently thinking that I can and should be living out the dreams in my mind* and the passions of my life while surfing the interwebs, seeking out people who are doing their lives the way I want to be doing mine : Living. Creating. Acting.
I'm not meant to be normal.
I got a text from one of my favorite friends the other night that said, quoth: "LOcean! I am watching Sex in the City and for some reason Carries quirkiness reminds me so much of you!"
"No, you're quirky. Quirky and weird are two very different things."
Not only does it seem as though my personality is not, shall we say boring, but I really, really don't want my life to be boring. At all.And honestly, my afore mentioned laziness is boring, apathetic and looks like I'm just plain lost.
There are things that I do that are not the norm.
Garden.
Sew.
Restore... things... that are old.
But who I am, how I live, the choices I am making - those are the things that I want to stand out. Not only the products; the results of my making,
but the overall effect of my life should stand out.
I should not be afraid.
The reason that I am so lazy is really just fear.
I am so afraid of both success and failure. The vast 'unknown'. oooohhh, how it sends shivers down my spine.
Lately I have been seeing quotes and hearing speakers bullet point bits like
"It's amazing how successful you can be if you simply do what you say you're going to do."
"It always seems impossible until it's done." - Nelson Mandela
"Sometimes, faith requires total trust in a future outcome you cannot see."
For the love. Its everywhere! Its like I have Nike in the 90's popping up everywhere saying "just do it" and then hitting me with the Swoosh just for laughs. (ok, that last part was the visual I had just then.) And then, instead of saying "you know what, you're right Nike. Thanks!" and then trotting off to go do it, I find some little distraction, something that doesn't really move me in the right direction, and go do that instead. Because its easier. It won't require sacrifice. It doesn't sting when it goes wrong.
But how many times have I heard and seen evidence of how important and just awesome it is when we do the things we were created to do, no matter the cost, despite the potential and inevitable failures, risking what we cling to most - our pride - and humble ourselves to the point of, heaven forbid,
being who we are supposed to be.
Invisible Children.
Curiosity Saved the Human.
charity:water.
I know these people. They are living the kind of life that when you get just a snapshot of it you are inspired and understand that they are working hard at life, doing great things.
I'm not Picasso or Mozart or Mother Theresa but, for all its worth, I'm Laura Ocean, dang it, and that's pretty amazing. There isn't one single person on this great Earth like me. And there isn't one person on this great Earth like you.
To me, that is HUGE. My voice, the thing I'm supposed to use to woo you and tell you a story that may change your life, is nothing like anybody else's. My actual voice I mean. And my written, literary voice is also unique. So who am I to say that I'm not good enough? And for that matter, who are you to say that you aren't either? I'm here to tell you that you are.
Get it
-L
(*a lyric from 'crying shame' bam!)
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